IN THIS DAY, I DIED.







Every end has a Beginning


The Best is yet to come.

R.I.P.

/ FEAR, UNCERTAINTY, DESPERATION, HOPE

I need a breather.

This week is an ongoing rocker.... I am having my fair share of what they call emotional rollercoaster ride. And, its only Thursday. Hey, there're still 3 more days before the week wraps up!

Hewhhh, Lord knows how "challenging" the way things are unfolding. I am still thankful because so far, I've been getting what I hoped for, and still having what I believe is best out of the scenario.

But still, there is void, there is uncertainty. Still, the what' if's and the what's the meaning's are all there.

I long for a very good orgasm.

Let me clear my mind for one second.


Whhheeewwwhhh....

...

..

.










Feels better.

Still, I am hoping and praying for the BEST.

I kinda like this line now: "The Best Is Yet To Come". Very optimistic.

/ WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF KABAKLAAN !!! (tionk! )



whoawhoaw!, I think this is it pansit. For the first time isasali ko ang aking humble blog dito sa 'da ultimate kabaklaan network (no offense, bakla din ako mga iha!)

Shempre papano ko ba natuklasan to?! eh kasi sa tinagal-tagal ng aking pagbobrowse(na pa-simple habang nagtatrabaho sa opisina, hehehe) sa mga pambaklang blogs e nabuo sa utak ko na madami talagang baklang resources ang mas madaling ma-a-acess kapag kasali ka sa mga ganitong klaseng kabaklaan.

Pero seryoso, nakakatuwa kasi lately ay nahilig ako (bukod sa pagbabate kung san man ma-abutan) sa pagbabasa ng mga blogs. Madami akong natututuhan sa mga karanasan ng ibang mga tao, kabastusan man o "profound". At the same time, nai-re-relate ko 'yung mga personal views ko sa mga views ng iba. Napaka-refeshing ng ganito for me, dahil alam mo na 'yung mga gawa na nababasa mo ay karaniwan "raw and pure", straight from the heart and soul kumbaga.

Kaya eto nga, let me pave the way to kabaklaan!

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/ WASTED

Isang napaka-wasted na araw na naman po mga ginigiliw kong mga bloggers ang araw na ito. Biruin mo dalawang araw nakong mistulang bampira dahil wala pa kong itinutulog. Kahapon, thursday, itong isa kong lecheng kaibigan nagpasama sa Glorietta para i-meet yung kaibigan daw nya. Matagal na daw silang di nagkita nung friend nya na yun kaya magke-kwentuhan daw sila. Ewan ko sa pootah, pero mukang kwentutan ang kakahantungan nung meet up na yun, mga frends. Kamanyakan na naman, sheyyt!!! Anyway, ganun na nga, anong oras na kong nakauwi sa bahay, mga past 12 noon na din.

Hindi din naman ako kaagad nakatulog kasi naman kinailangan ko pang kumain para mainom ko yung gamot ko na nakapagpapalibog sakin. At isa pa, sobrang init, e since nagtitipid sa bahay sa kuryente, kailangan ko pa intayin ng saglit si Mader-Dear para patulugin din ang kuntador namin.

To cut the long fuckin story short, mag-a-alas dos na ko nakahiga. Pootah, ang lalim kagad ng tulog ko. Para kong nagjackol ng limang putok sa sobrang himbing ng tulog ko. Tapos maya maya lang, anak ng pootah alas singko na, kailangan ko na naman bumangon para pumasok!!!

Syempre as usual, pungas pungas muna ng mga five minutes bago tuluyang magbanyo para maligo at mag jackol habang nagsasabon ng katawan.

Ayun, tas sabay bihis at kain, sabay alis ng bahay.

Mga 7:30 na nang makadating ako sa office. Binalak kong matulog muna kahit 30 mins pero wala, bigo ako mga sisterets. Puno ng unggoy ang lounge, at ang mga pootah, sarap na sarap sa pagtulog. Palibhasa mga mahihirap kaya sinasamantala ang aircon ng building. Kaysa nga naman magtiis sila sa mainit at mabahong squatters area kung san sila nagre-rent ng bedspace for Php1,300 a month. Kawawang mga pootah!

/ THE AFFIRMATION

I have learned
that each moment is a piece to a story.

Like a single pixel in an art,
altogether they form a portrait-
a grand masterpiece that is life.

Complex.

Magnificent.

How every piece fit together
is such an affirmation
of God's unconditional love.

Read on, this my story…

Damn I feel tired.

It's just midweek and I feel used up like how I'd feel on a Friday afternoon.

2 more brutal days of working, huh. sigh sigh sigh.

I want to go home now and masturbate all the way until I fall asleep.

Or better yet, I wanna fuck an ass. A really tight gay ass. I've been fantazising Braynboy's asshole a lot. I want to deliver an uber excellent fuck that'll drain all my remaining energy till I blackout and sleep for the next 18 hours. Damn!

/ WHEN I GROW UP I WANNA BE A DOCTOR

Okay, so its 4 AM. I have a job interview scheduled later at 9 AM but I still am not sure if I'm gonna come.

What looked like a very simple appointment turned out a complicated shit for me. The problem is, I can't let go of the job that affords me my basic shits plus extra more. Still the problem is, I am totally not happy with my current job that I vomit with the smell of it, 'coz it makes me feel stucked and fucked up in a lot of ways.

Meanwhile, this new job looks promising, but it does not promise good income.

In a perfect world, I want to be a doctor to be able to help the sick.

Oh fuck!

Well this new job is again not related whatsoever to my funckin' dream profession. So, I am thinking, what the heck?!!

Just let this shit pass me fuckin' by...

/ GAY PREFERENCE

I took this Gayness Meter Test that I came across while surfing the www. In the test, you will be asked to answer 20+ questions which are all, ...ehhem, very sexually blatant. Afterwards, you will be given the results and a graph that you can copy to your space. I personally do not believe that this accurately tells how gay a gay person is but just for the heck of it, let me post it anyway.


Here is what I got:

Bi/Gay Preference

"You are not exclusively homosexual, but you prefer the same sex over the opposite sex. While you might be willing to fool around with the opposite sex to some extent, you would go all the way with the same sex. If you are sexually inexperienced, it is possible that this could change after you do some experimenting."




Your Score: Bi/Gay Preference

You scored -25 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight)

/ MYERS BRIGGS PERSONALITY TEST

According to the Myers Briggs Personality Test, personalities can be classified among 16 different types. First discussed back in the 1920s by psychologist Carl Jung, type theory suggest that human behavior is not random but predictable and classifiable. According to this theory, everyone is born predisposed to certain personality preferences. Topologists have devised four pairs of preference alternatives, as stated below:


Extraverted (E) or Introverted (I)
Sensing (S) or iNtuitive (N)
Thinking (T) or Feeling (F)
Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)

My Result


The test yields I am ESFJ (Extrovert Sensor Feeling Judging): Extroverted Feeling with Introverted Sensing. 13 Percent of the population falls under this category.
Personality type results

EI: 7 out of 17
Extrovert |-----------------------------------------| Introvert
|41%


SN: 8 out of 17
Sensation |-----------------------------------------| iNtuition
|47%


TF: 13 out of 17
Thinking |-----------------------------------------| Feeling
|76%


JP: 7 out of 17
Judging |-----------------------------------------| Perceiving
|41%

Majority of the result seemed true. Let me quote:

"ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves."

Furthermore:

"The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give.

The ESFJ's value system is defined externally. They usually have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. However, they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.

ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.

An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others.

ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic."

* For the rest of my result descriptions, see Portrait of an ESFJ.
* To those who would like to know their own personality, you may take the test here.

/REASONS TO BE HAPPY

I just found out earlier today that I previously piled 3 consecutive months of good stats. That entitles me for a promotion.


At first I was clueless. Originally, Gian called me just to sign my performance appraisal sheet for Quarter 1 2007. Then, he showed me my previous stats for the last quarter 2006 which shows my December 2006 was actually good. Together with my January and February 2007, I apparently made a 3-month smash!


I don't know exactly why, but the truth is, I really am not excited about the forthcoming promotion. The feeling is happy, yes, but not enough to be ecstatic. I am not even feeling proud. I bet having a great sex with 10 second orgasm is more than to look forward to. What I'm trying to say is I am just not so into it, not to the point of drooling for this darn promotion.


Thank God the appraisal will will be cashed out in the 25th. I am running out of money now. My savings is dropping like crazy. Mom still desires that Baguio trip. I think I'm gonna make sure that she'll get the money she needs for that because she deserves it. Plus since mother's day is around the corner, it makes another reason not to deprive her of this trip. In the name of love she deserves this hell of a break!


I am feeling okay now. Not the best but at least I am okay. Happy? -yah a little, but I am glad I am not sad. Happy because the promotion makes me a little happy. Happy because I am about to give my mom a reason to be happy with her Baguio. Happy because I am back to working, making money and doing something beside watching TV and masturbating. I am happy because the void in me from not being fully happy is not occupied by sadness.

Huh... I dislike this Chowfan Rice that I bought from the pantry. The first one that I bought a month ago tasted way way better. But I am looking forward to eating my packed lunch which is a yummy caldereta-rice combo. Hey, now that's a small reason to be happy!!! ;-)

/SECOND TO THE LAST DAY

Today is Ethel's second to the last day here in the office. I was surprised to learn that, since this is just my third day since I return from my 30-day leave of absence. First reaction is sad because she is a such a dear friend to me, and it is just normal to feel hurt when friends go. Second reaction is envy. I know that I should not be envy of anything, because I am lucky in some aspects, but I just can't help it. I guess there's still a little corner in my heart that wants to be able to do the same, to breakaway and run free from this job. It doesn't necessarily mean that I do not want to work at all(heck, I need to money for me to live), but the sense of having the control- of being able to emancipate yourself from the things that you does not feel like worth your time and effort.


Read: Having the full control to live a quality life.


In her case, things did not have to be hard, since she gets the approval and support of both her parents.


Okay, okay. Just give me a darn break!


I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that I still have purpose to stay in the office. Maybe I still need to sacrifice a little longer for something (maybe more), and at the end I can look back and be happy to say that everything was worth it. I only wish that I realize that purpose, little by little along the way, because I know that I'll need that to keep me moving on motivated.


I am happy for Ethel because she is happy with her decision. I wish her all the best of luck and blessings because she really deserves it all.